We Need to Talk--Tough Conversations With Your Kids by Richard Heyman

Author:Richard Heyman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media
Published: 2009-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

Conversations with Preschoolers

When my grandson was in playschool, he had lots of friends and seemed to enjoy playing with girls every bit as much as with boys. I think he might have even enjoyed playing more with the girls in his class. But there were times when he and one of my other grandsons would exclude my granddaughter from games.

Even four- and five-year-old children sometimes do the “boys against girls” thing. It doesn’t matter as long as it stays innocent and peaceful, benign and not hurtful, but as soon as it hurts others physically or emotionally, you’ll want to step in and smooth things over. Your child should never be allowed to be physically aggressive with or exclude the opposite sex from games, playing with toys, or from running games or sports. At this age, the physical differences between the genders is insignificant, while the intellectual differences can be seen in the verbal fluency of girls compared to boys, superior fine-motor skills in girls, and an overwhelming physicality in boys. These similarities and differences need a passionate and attentive hand from you to keep them from causing one gender to conspire against or physically abuse the other.

The Proper Behavior Toward the Opposite Sex Conversation Script for Preschoolers

If you can lay the foundation for respect and appreciation of boys for girls and girls for boys at this age, you will have gone a long way to ensuring your child understands how to behave toward the opposite sex. Here’s an example of what your talk about this tough topic might sound like.

YOU: Don’t hit your cousin.

At this age, you must be clear and direct. First the rule, then a discussion about why it’s a rule.

HIM: But she’s bothering me.

A familiar cry, but one that can mean so many different things. You have to assess its meaning in each new situation.

YOU: I don’t care if she is bothering you; hitting is not the way to make her stop.

Good move. Regardless of the situation, certain remedies, like hitting, are always unacceptable.

HIM: Yes it is.

Technically, he may be right, but morally he’s wrong and you have to show him why.

YOU: Listen, please. We’ve talked about this before, do you remember?

He may not remember, but that doesn’t matter. It’s a good excuse to go through it all again.

HIM: No.

Truth or not, it doesn’t matter; that’s not the issue. The issue is what has just happened and how to prevent it from happening again.

YOU: Well, let me remind you. We talked about certain rules of playing with girls and with boys, and we said certain things about what do to if you’re unhappy. Can you tell me what they were?

This is setting up the context for what comes next.

HIM: No, I don’t remember.

YOU: Let me help you. Do you remember what we said about hitting?

Physical violence against children in general, and girls in particular, tops the agenda.

HIM: No hitting.

YOU: Good. Who don’t we hit?

It’s a good move to get him to say it, not just listen to you saying it.

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